Monday, September 03, 2007
Otters are fantastic.I saw one the other day, and he was brillaint.
I don't think you could find a bad word to say about an Otter.
The Otter I encountered on Saturday wasn't a happy otter though. He was called Rudy and he's '3rd generation', whatever that means, is he like an I-Pod, click wheel?
He was sat in a cage in the boot of a wrinkly old man's car, and his wife had a tea-towel on her head (not the Otters wife). The old man said that Rudy was protected becuase he was part of the Beatrix Potter Trust. Don't get me wrong but I thought she lived oop in them there hills and I think this guy was from Croydon.
Anyway, it got wierder.Laying beside Rudy was what looked like a naked chick sunbathing, all bald and sprawaled out, proper KOed like. It didnt take me long to realise that perhaps this baby chicken wasn't lapping up the last of the summer rays with his Otter mate Rudie, he was..du du duuuuh...dead.
So I asked the kind creepy ass mo fo if the chick was dead before Rudy had ripped his spleen out."Yes, of course, the chick was gassed when he was a day old, as are all male chick, you can't sex a chicken".
Woah dude, woah.
Sweet child o mine ya crazy bastard.
gassed?
sex a chicken?
how do you sex a chicken?
why would you want to sex a day old male chick you dirty, dirty silly man.
I could see him now. The grey poultry fiend at Easter getting all his chicks ready for seasonal 'shower'. But no, the babies didn't come back all gleaming clean.
and that my friend, is why you get £1.99 frozen chickens in Tesco.
Him and Bernard Matthews (nearly typed Bernard Manning, and that would have a whole other turkey basting scenerio) with their silly faces and crimes against our feathered friends.
I turned around and gave Rudy a wave, he looked at me, and I thought right there and then, if you want to sex a day old male chick, then it explains why you've got a caged Otter in the back of your car.
Beatrix Potter my arse.
Listening to:
and...
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