Bloggin, schmoggin.

Bloggin, schmoggin.

It's a cruel, cruel world... there's so many blogs in this universe. Without a unique angle, a pull, a reason for people to come back, your blog's destined to be read by no one at all. How sad is that prospect. A collection of words lost in a vast universe.... *beautiful*

I may as well be writing in my teenage diary that no one else is supposed to read. An actual fact: I think my mum once found my diary when I was 11 and I'd drawn little pictures of the bitches in my year with little speech bubbles saying 'I'm a massive cow'. I should have made lyrics from my teenage diary into a series of songs, I'd be a fucking Emo goddess by now, with thousands of teenagers cutting themselves to my songs....hindsight's a bitch.

So the point of this post, is to think of ways to make this blog worth having, and worth reading...

At least the woman who posted photo's of her cervix every day had a unique angle www.beautifulcervix.com/ - although, I can't see me sen going to them lengths. Me Camera cost a bob or two, and I don't think it's waterproof.


I'll think on, in the meantime, enjoy yourself with that woman's inner plumbing. Weirdo....

Grumpy

Someone said an interesting thing to me yesterday

"You can't be grumpy on a trampoline"

and I don't profess to people being right often, but do you know what, they were right. I couldn't have the cob on, on a trampoline. Even if I fell off at a jaunty angle and broke my neck.

I also couldn't be grumpy stroking a kitten or lying on a beach having me toes tickled.

Additions to this most welcome...

Listening to:

Happy Muff Day

I’ve been inspired to start adding to my blog again. Me Mam is now a reader (Hi Mum), so no nob or fanny jokes.

Urgh, fanny is such a horrible word. Clunge, that’s a good un, and I’m partial to a bit of muff too. When you start heading down the beef curtains road, there’s no going back until you go down haddock pasty way or past wizards sleeve avenue (I've heard it easy to get out though). I’m going to call it Flower from now on because I’m to going to not disrespect my vagina in such a way.

Willies don’t get a rough a ride as muffs. Nob and cock are pretty standard stuff. No degrading nicknames for a penis...they all come out quite heroic or manly – one eyed trouser snake, pork sword....you get my drift.

So what I’m saying is, let’s be nice about Lady Gardens please.

So, all in all, a mum friendly blog all round, to kick things back off again.

Happy Mothers Day :)

Listening to:

1 pack - shove it Grandma

I saw an old lady today buy a single can of Heineken from the Co-Op, and it made my heart melt.
A beer for the hubby, a sneaky bevvo on a warm summers day for herself, or a little something for her student grandson.

Hardly going to go far now though. I would have thrown it back on her face and told her to book her ideas up Grandma.

Love it when parents/ grand parents get you something you dont really need, or buy you something specially- but get it a little bit wrong.

Maybe once you mentioned you liked, or enjoyed once - and they then buy it in bulk, if it's on offer. One hot summer it took me 3 months to get through a 50 pack of powder chicken noodle soup.

On getting a new DVD in the house,when they first come out, me mam bought me a blank DVD so " you can tape your favorite programmes off the the telly."

Took alot of explaining as to the where and what fors of why this wouldn't work. Which fell on deaf ears as me old lady still calls the internet the email; as in "get on that 'thee'mail"

More of Ma Buggerluggs to come soon. GODLOVETHATWOMAN

Listening to:

Cool (ish) Dude

I enjoy walking through town early in the morning me.
There's the busy bussiness man - probably knocking off his receptionist, suited ladies in trainers with heels in a carrier bag - with good handles obviously. Old ladies with trollies getting their big shop before it gets all busy and their in danger of getting knocked over or mugged by scallies yet to wake. Tramps swigging super strength lager or supping the clear cider variety, and the wierdos who must all wake up at the same time due to some in built wierdo chip inserted at birth.

There's this one dude i pass most mornings if I'm lucky. A pretty old fella who wears some really cool vinatge threads. Proper smart. Cords, vintage trainers, anorak - dead working the retro look.

Everytime i see him i think 'go on fella'.

Then i realise that, on closer inspection ( I don't stop him in the street or anything, but he's walking slowly enough for me to have a good gander), that they are most probably his old clothes and he's a not right.

It's a sad tale, and it gets me everytime.

His kids are gonna get quite a wardrobe though, when he pops his clogs.

Currently listening to:

red wine and new blog dawn of age

it's a real shame when blogs go unattended. In this day and age when written words are Frivolous and Free, there are sentences…no whole paragraphs lain abandoned and untouched.

now my twatty title got ur attention, From here, from this day...these times are a changing’ as a wise old man who couldn’t hold a choon once said,

Da blog is like well back mate.

Keep tuned. --what other way is there to sound like a nob head and invite you all to follow my ramblings?… Maybe;
- Be there or be square
- Check back- Re-tune
- catch ya l8r (nb the text speak - well down with the ‘yoof’)

Ah fook it. Catch you on the rewind
Bx


Listening to:

my ipod touch completes me...

There happens to be time in everyones life when you start Googling your name, searching for ex-boyfriends on Facebook, a doing one of those darn quizzes that you can imagine a geek getting really hard for, or some self indulgent emo slashing their pretty little arms in excitment...

well i'm proper bored and hard...and this one tickled my boredom fancy...
take your ipod/itunes - select shuffle, and answer away. only take the first answer of course, no cheating, or the ones closest to you will die...

Why are you taking yet another shuffle quiz?
Song: You Losin' Out
Artist: Two Gallants
Comment: ...yeah, dont judge me, you're the loser

What's currently in your fridge?
Song: Skinny Love
Artist: Bon Iver
Comment: vegetables as far as the eye can see, i'm aint shitting you

Your biggest nightmare?
Song: El Picador
Artist: Calexico
Comment: not sure what it means...hang on..."is one of the pair of horsemen in a Spanish bullfight that jab the bull with a lance", pretty scary indeed

What place would you like to visit?
Song: Mercury
Artist: Bloc Party
Comment: Nah, it's got no atmosphere..bud dum pschhhhhh

A reason to commit suicide?
Song: One Armed Scissor
Artist: At the Drive In
Comment: if you hit the right bit

Why are we here?
Song: King & Country
Artist: Seth Lakeman
Comment: if it was the 1600's

Something you never dared to say to anyone...?
Song: Caress Me Down
Artist: Sublime
Comment: I've never been that forward to tell you the truth

One thing the world really doesn't need?
Song: Band on The Run
Artist: Paul McCartney and The Wings
Comment: that's right, Linda McCartney singing, god rest her veggy soul

What's your biggest unfulfilled wish?
Song: The Secret's In The Telling
Artist: Dashboard Cionfessional
Comment: Damm you Chris Carraba, damm you *shakes fist*

If you could invent something, what would it be?
Song: The Ways of a Woman in Love
Artist: Johnny Cash
Comment: Dont we all eh?

The last thing you say before you die?
Song: Coastguard
Artist: The Young Knives
Comment: i'll probably be trying to cross the channel in a rubber dinghy for charity..

What's your destiny?
Song: Mine's Not a High Horse
Artist: The Shines
Comment: starting to the think the ipod doesn't hold the key to my destiny, double darn it

What do you do when you're alone in an elevator?
Song: Talking Bid
Artist: Death Cab For Cuties
Comment: it's the only chance i get to practice


What would you do with your slaves?
Song: The Perfect Gift
Artist: Hundred Reasons
Comment: Which either means id be a super kind slave master and give them gifts to cheer them up, or i'd give my best mates a slave for their birthdays and christmas

Is there a man on the moon?
Song: Just Like a Woman
Artist: Bob Dylan
Comment: keeps getting those stupid heels caught in the craters

How does hell look like?
Song: The Big Sleep
Artist: Streetlight Manifesto
Comment: how very apt....

About what would you like to write a book?
Song: Do You Remember The First Time?
Artist: Pulp
Comment: With Peter and Jane, sex education for the under 10's

The best thing ever is...?
Song: Nervous in the Alley
Artist: Less Than Jake
Comment: see above

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Song: Butcher the Song
Artist: Cursivw
Comment: tedious link, but i think it manages it...

Why do you listen to music?
Song: We Are Nowhere and It's Now
Artist: Bright Eyes
Comment: deep

What do you do when you're alone and nobody's watching?
Song: A Certain Romance
Artist: Arctic Monkeys
Comment: the lady in the shop said it was the most powerful...

Why are other people so stupid?
Song: Back to School
Artist: The Deftones
Comment: Oh Chino you are so wise

Last thing you ate?
Song: Meadowlarks
Artist: Fleet Foxes
Comment: with chips..

Why is grass green?
Song: Pain
Artist: Jimmy Eat World
Comment: god that's terrible...

Your phone is ringing, but who's on the other end?
Song: Patricia's Moving Picture
Artist: The Go! Team
Comment: hmmmm i dont even know a Patricia, no actually my Auntie Pat, must be her

What should you stop doing?
Song: Change
Artist: Blind Melon
Comment: It could get smelly

A word of advice to the readers of this quiz?
Song: Jackie Big Tits
Artist: The Kooks
Comment: that's right - TITS

Listening to:

nowt as queer as folk

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Have you ever really seen the people you walk around with, next to, alongside every day on your average trip to town?
Maybe you rush around with your head in the clouds, or perhaps staring at the floor, while the wonderful flurry of the UK public pass you by.
But one day, if only for me, take your neck skywards and take a gander of whom you share this very earth with.

It's fucking scary, and they always end up sitting next to you on the bus.

Nearly everyday I come running back from the office or home with the next story of how i saw the most random people in town that day.
You'll see allsorts, from the guy in the hard hat who's just picked up a hooker at 5 o clock in the evening; to a family of six whom Ronald McDonald owes his latest franchise in Rochdale to.

Only yesterday me and the rest of the Magic Bus were privalaged to be the audience of a one woman show, effing and jeffing right by 'you must not stand in front of this sign'. But being typically English I pretended I was intently listening to my I-Pod and engrossed in the Metro, as did the rest of the bus.
Maybe the mad old lady (who reguarly haunts Fallowfield with her 6 plastic bags full of shit and suitcase: probably rammed to busting with her dead family chopped into tiny pieces) had a point- but no-one cared to listen.

Maybe just maybe these crazy ol' bastards have an insight, but we just lock them up in cushioned cells blasted with enough drugs to make Amy Whinehouse queezy.

There used to be a fruity old lady who was a regular on the tram in Sheff, I may also add was a familular face in the local Somerfield- where her none underwear action caused many a watery eye.
The funny dear used to ask everyone and passing if they knew of the Lord, and whether or not they'd read the book. I once told her I was the anti-Christ, and for that split-second after i realised my obvious public transport faux paux, i jibbed off the tram a stop earlier fearing for my life. I never saw her again, I hasten to add i moved to Manchester the very next day.

Wierd people are fun, they just need people to talk to. So when your confronted with a mad 'un, embrace that moment, and always bear in mind that you can jump off the bus at anytime.

Listening to:

You gotta hear this one song, it’ll change your life I swear...

Sunday, October 07, 2007

music is rubbish. it's the soundtrack to your life. That's why I'm not to sure about Dance music. can a beat provoke so much thought as a lyric. Does a splatter of a synth and computer generated booms and thumps really evoke as much feeling.

Don't tell me you haven't sat on the bus with your headphones in lost in thought head pressed against the window ignoring the world around you, focused on each lyric to a tune that you are convinced was wrote exactly for you and how you are feeling at that moment in time. Then you snap out of it and realise you're a sad bastard who at any moment might start pressing their hand upon the rain splattered window of the number 42 Magic Bus and crying.

Emo is ruining young lives up and down the country as teenagers everywhere tap into their already hormone strewn tipsy turvey personalities and start to express themselves further through torturous lyrics that 'get them'.

Dropouts and geeks of the world unite over floppy hair, slashed arms and over due homework.

Our bodies are capable of doing some very funny things when they're consumed by stress, memories and busyness. Let's take for example when my I-pod was stolen. Some thieving bastard in now the king of the swingers, skanking or chillin whichever you prefer.
I was gutted. I could have lost my fone and front door keys and been locked out for a week with nothing to eat but tuna, and it still wouldn't have matched the feeling of loss I felt for a credit card sized of metal and hard –drive. (Which incidentally I'd won in the first place, so there's an element of karma there.)

The point of this blog was trying to make some sense out of my emotional attachment to music and lyrics, whether good or bad. I think I'm just a big geek, off to find the next song I can tap my Dunlops to on the bus home from work, and scribble it down as one of the best songs ever- well in my books anyway, then I'll try and tell everyone else, and someone sed it sound like a hoe-down, and why were they singing like that and because it didn't have some anthem-like , sweaty indie club chrousand stuff - they just didn't 'get it'.
It's OK then I'll save this one just for me.

Chris Carrabba I blame you.

Listening to:

Otter madness... Beatrix Potter My Arse

Monday, September 03, 2007

Otters are fantastic.I saw one the other day, and he was brillaint.

I don't think you could find a bad word to say about an Otter.

The Otter I encountered on Saturday wasn't a happy otter though. He was called Rudy and he's '3rd generation', whatever that means, is he like an I-Pod, click wheel?

He was sat in a cage in the boot of a wrinkly old man's car, and his wife had a tea-towel on her head (not the Otters wife). The old man said that Rudy was protected becuase he was part of the Beatrix Potter Trust. Don't get me wrong but I thought she lived oop in them there hills and I think this guy was from Croydon.

Anyway, it got wierder.Laying beside Rudy was what looked like a naked chick sunbathing, all bald and sprawaled out, proper KOed like. It didnt take me long to realise that perhaps this baby chicken wasn't lapping up the last of the summer rays with his Otter mate Rudie, he was..du du duuuuh...dead.

So I asked the kind creepy ass mo fo if the chick was dead before Rudy had ripped his spleen out."Yes, of course, the chick was gassed when he was a day old, as are all male chick, you can't sex a chicken".

Woah dude, woah.

Sweet child o mine ya crazy bastard.

gassed?

sex a chicken?

how do you sex a chicken?

why would you want to sex a day old male chick you dirty, dirty silly man.

I could see him now. The grey poultry fiend at Easter getting all his chicks ready for seasonal 'shower'. But no, the babies didn't come back all gleaming clean.

and that my friend, is why you get £1.99 frozen chickens in Tesco.

Him and Bernard Matthews (nearly typed Bernard Manning, and that would have a whole other turkey basting scenerio) with their silly faces and crimes against our feathered friends.

I turned around and gave Rudy a wave, he looked at me, and I thought right there and then, if you want to sex a day old male chick, then it explains why you've got a caged Otter in the back of your car.

Beatrix Potter my arse.

Listening to:



and...

red wine cheese sorbert and hummous

Saturday, August 25, 2007

for the first time in my blogging life this is going to be duel effort..between what i want to type and what my nimble tipsy figers will let me..

OK

a slightly slurrged and mispelt blog (I can hear the mistress in the back ground saying' I hate it when it comes to this time in the night when all the mingers come on these adverts, £3 pounds a text..look at her fuckin' teeth')

Ok

mate, your thinking, yo've had enough cheery liquid keep on talking shite, I'm gonna fuck ya, you dont know me, stop judging me, what's that noise...? it's the wind.

Mistress: "It's mewhispering on the wind vic....shwoooooooooshhh! haha just kidding!
i recommend that everyone sits in on fridays and drinks 4 bottles of wine and eats lots of cheese based products, it's muchos nachos style finger foody fun!
i'm startled that i even typed that, get me...(takes a drunken bow) i am a golden god....with grey stained teeth...obey me foooooooolllss!
i am the mistress and what I say goes.....and goes i do....bit only in private or pirate private, i can't remember...i'm drunk, and sat on myspaz.......we love it, and those who have red this tripe love it too...i have cigs to smoke now (is that politically correct anymore?)
and wine to drink so yeah......sod you, that's the polite version...don't make me give you shit...cause i will..who you looking at?! wanker...got a spare 20p on yer mate?"

So that was that and this was supposed to be a heart felt, remenisant, but you can wait till the next chapter...

every1 does need a bussom for a pillow..or a boob. it's your choice you decide....
i love grapes me

Vx
+
xxxDa Mistressxx

Listening to:

Whiplash the Cowboy monkey.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Whiplash the Cowboy monkey.Ok he's not quite a Pirate, but I've fallen in love with this monkey.

Spank my monkey..ok that has no relevance to the ol' blog subject but I'd just like a 'spank'..how good is that word..spank spank spank spank...

Listening to:

Get to know me??!

Monday, August 13, 2007

I love these crappy MySpazz surveys, with such exciting questions as 'Do You Poop?' and 'How many times a day do you blink?' to finish off my fun-filled week I thought I'd give one a whirl and see if YOU can know me better....cus from this it'll be like you known me all my life.....

Odd Facts about ME

DO YOU SNORE?:
I do, I'm hot

LOVER OR A FIGHTER?:
both

WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?:
airomaplanes

AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO BUILDER?:
Duplo all the way

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY TV"?:
its great we're not far off Live OAP Slaying or a Running Man scenario with paedophiles, I cant wait

DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?:
yes and pens

WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?:
i cant remember

HOW IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?:
how did you know?

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?:
black

DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?:
yes!

HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?:
i'd die half way down and be dead at the boing

ANY SECRET TALENTS?:
I cant fit my fist in my mouth and touch my head with my toes backwards, bit of blue for the dads there

WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?:
sunny, desolate, pretty and vino

HAVE YOU EATEN SUSHI?:
yes

HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"?:
yes
DO YOU GIVE A DARN ABOUT THE OZONE?:
I cant decide

HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP?:
I dont know what the hell that is but I want one

CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?:
no it hurts my head, just tried

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?:
yes..hence fear of

ARE SPEEDO'S HOT?:
depends who's wearing them

WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?:
I want to be a dinosaur hunter when i grow up

IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?:
can you imagine!?

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?:
yes

WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?:
milk, wheat, nuts, potatoes,

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU":
Friday

IS TUPAC STILL ALIVE?:
Yes, he's hanging out with Elvis and Bernard Manning in Bangor working in a second hand shop

DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?:
No!

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?:
cooked

ARE BLONDES DUMB?:
just ditsy and clumsy

WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?:
In mulgrews room

WHAT TIME IS IT?:
half 11

DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?:
an abbreviation of my name - its not very imaginative

IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?:
after 5 years working for Ronald I can safely say I never once spat on a burger, just picked stuff up off the floor and served it

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?:
Yesterday

DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?:
Baths for relaxing, showers for the quicky

IS SANTA CLAUSE REAL?:
is that how you spell 'Clause'?

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?:
not really

WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?:
soup and cigs, separtely Im not a minger

CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?:
crunchy, have you ever seen a dog try and eat peanut butter, its great

HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?:
yes, around Donningtion Race Track

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?:
once

IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?:
Yes it is, yes sir it is

ARE YOU WEARING SOCKS?:
no

HAVE YOU EVER HITCH HIKED?:
no

WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?:
blu

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
hmmm

DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?:
its interesting

WHOSE LIFE IS BETTER?:
no-ones

ARE YOU PSYCHIC?:
yes, I knew you were going to say that

HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?:
will i look stupid if i say no?

DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?:
yes, Im a pro triangle player

CAN YOU SKATEBOARD?:
no

DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?:
yes, I love it!

DO U SNORT WHEN U LAUGH?:
only if it really tickles me

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?:
Yes, Yes I do,

IS A DOG A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?:
no his penis is

YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?:
Im getting bored of these questions now

CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?:
I wanna try it when I'm drunk

DOES YOUR MOM KNOW YOU HAVE A MYSPACE?:
yes, but she doen't understand and call the internet the 'email' as in: are you on that 'email'

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?:
rice cakes

DO YOU WEAR NAILPOLISH?:
yes

DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?:
I like everyone. I'm a big ball of lovliness

WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?:
the one where people fall over and ask for money because it was there fault in the first place and no-one falls off a ladder drunk and say it wasn't their fault

DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?:
Do they sell eagles?

FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT?:
there's quite a few, I went a bit crazy at Vinyl Exchange last week

Now you know me, let's go for a pint...
and i won't fall alseep

Currently listening:The Lion King (1997 Original Broadway Cast)By Elton John
Release date: 14 November, 1997

The ant and the ladyboys...

Friday, July 20, 2007

Such a title of my blog should imply some hidden meaning, but it does exactly what it says on the tin....

Last week I went round to the msitresses and schmoked a few doobies with the wife (in the mean time bobbin round to a dudes house who had a fish tank as a coffee table, and his flat mates getting a bit freaked out by a Yorkshire bird screaming ' get the terapin out!'.
anywho

So I went back home to fix myslef some delicious Rice Crispies, and knocked over another pack of 'light wheat based' cereal. In a Chucke Brother moment, one hand holding Snap, Crackle and Pop, and the other on my hands and knees scooping flakes, out the corner of my eye I saw them coming for me,out of what seemed nowhere. They there were, freakin ants. Crawling up my leg.

That was it, right there and then, in a slighty woosey frame of mind still holding me Rice Delights I decided we should stage some sort of world wide based charity concert.

Fook me carbon footprint, we've got an infestation. I dreamt of killer ants slaying the monkey from the Coco Pops advert that night (even though I was eating Rice Krispies)....save me from my interupted sleep and give me a pound.

Now


*stay tuned for Part 2: Ladyboys


Currently listening:Cereal KillersBy Too Much Joy
Release date: 12 March, 1991

Broken English and a plate of meat...

Monday, July 02, 2007

As ever a random life I have.Last year I woke up on my birthday in Mauldeth Road park at 11 in the morning surrounded by school children, with a few friends near by.
This year I bring in my birthday stood on a stage in the middle of Naples, in front of 500 people getting hugged by a range of Italians.

I was invited to be a judge as part of a new music festival in Naples. The panel of judges included, a TV presenter, music producer and journalist, a music promoter, another music writer and a nobhead from Manchester.I can't even speak Italian so most of the time I was pretty quiet, nodding and taking advantage of the nibbles.

I was only there for 2 days so I thought I'd cram in all the Italian classics, I had e pizza, e pasta, e ice cream and a plate of pork (the language barrier got the better of me)
I also had a ride on the back of a motorbike, with no helmet.

I read that Naples 'was the most violent and dangerous cities in Italy' , it maybe, but I've never been met with so much friendliness and lovliness. And the 2 kiss thing I was well getting to the swing of things and lunging for everybody.

Then there was the flights. I missed my connection to Manchester so I spent most of birthday in Paris airport, awkwardly asleep on a plastic chair. I thought I was going to spend all night there so i put on me 'Birthday Girl' badge, bought a muffin and bottle of wine and sang 'Happy Birthday' to myself.

7 Planes, in 2 weeks, my carbon footprint is blummin massive.

I do hate all these traveller types who go on about 'god, I had the most amzing time in India where i stood on top of a mountain with a naked hippy and really found who I was about, and what life really means, while the hippy stuck a smoking stick up my arse'.

But I did have a randomly great time.

Currently listening:I'm Wide Awake, It's MorningBy Bright Eyes
Release date: 25 January, 2005

the home of pizza

Monday, June 25, 2007

This made me laugh. Ok I laughed then I got a tiny bit scared.
Click Giovani Suoni
Then 'Enter', then 'Giuria' on the top navigation bar.
'Giuria' incidently means 'judge' in Italian.
On Thursday and Friday night I'll be judging a new music contest in Naples, Italy.

Bloody hell

Currently listening:Soy una PizzaBy Charlotte Diamond
Release date: 15 September, 1994

cheese sandwiches and Spanish Old People...

Saturday, June 16, 2007

The cuisine of Spain is famed for its tapas, seafood, fesh veg and lush fruit, and in the past two days all I have managed to eat is two cheese sandwiches. and a shite load of beer cus, at the end of the day everyone knows what 'beer' is in any language.

My Spanish has got me far these oast few days...'pardon' when I bump into someone. 'rethebo' when I need a receipt, and my old favourite 'Ola!' , you can't go wrong with the odd hello. I even sent a lady to the 5th floor of my apartment block by pointing at the buttons and asking 'cinco?' She may not have been going there...

I love Spain because it's full of brown wrinkley old men who always need to sit down. Even on the big massive street in Barcelona, where there are those bastard silver painted mime artists who think they're robots, they have special old men seats. Not even next to each other, but randomly scattered. So walkig down the street you can bet ur ass every 10 yards you'll find an old man asleep.

I managed to catch a very odd installation slash show today. I even had to sign a release form before i went in, and there were paramedics waiting outside. I'm not one for installations, to be honest i can take me or leave em. It started with 60 or so of us watching an odd projection of what looked like the dancing ababy from Ally Mcbeal, then a whole lorra smoke filled the room, mixed with stobe lights, then pulsating coloured lights. You know when you poke urself oin the eye (if your as stupid to) and you get those strange little red greeny splashes in your eyes, well that was what it was like, but not just straight ahead but to the side of you and mixed with the smoke and sub bass surround sound - i thought i was going to punch the girl beside me. Well done you crazy artist you, that's not art, it's messin with me vision you wanker.

ooooo but lets come back again one day, as us, not just me x

Currently listening:Let Me Introduce My FriendsBy I'm from Barcelona
Release date: 20 March, 2007

So there was this woman and she was on a airplane

Friday, June 15, 2007

My second day in Barcelona, I'm sat on the tiniest balcony with me laptop in me, well lap over looking terocata rooftops, satillite dishes; to one side of me is the ocean and to the other sise is mountains I can't even see what is at the top of, butr I know the lights twinkle at night time. Peoples washing hangs in the balance 12 story's high, and I be questioning where my smalls were gonna fall if i was them.But this is Spain, and as is the nature of the county, anything goes. It's uber chilled out, maybe its the sun, or may be it's the cheap wine. (I bought bottle of red vino for €1.01 and i thought that was a bit fooking steep)
I'm sure i saw the guy who sang the macarena get on the tube.Sonar by night kicks off in a few hours. I may pop along, after a ickle siesta.I'm having an amazing little time on me own, but I'd be lying if i didnt want someone else here, if only to sit here and share this amazing view with me.bueno no?

Currently listening:The Ugly OrganBy Cursive
Release date: 04 March, 2003

Leaving on a Jet Plane pt1

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Having woke up in Manchester and tried to take something back in Primark this dinner time, I'm now sat on a balcony over looking all these lush twinkly lights of Barcelona at half 12 at night.It's warm and I can see people getting ready for bed.Oh and I'm on my own. For those of you who know me, I am terrified of flying, so this is a pretty big deal for me, even though i can't quite remember getting on the plane.So far I've managed to wake up a pair of gays when i tryed to open their apartment with my keys, and splashed red wine half way up the window and interioir of the aeroplane and myself.This is all very bizzare, it may be one of the most stupidist things i have ever done, or one of the most fantastic.So here's to me adding 'o' to every word to make it sound Spanish, and having my own little adventure! I'll keep y'all updated on the MySpaceo and Facebookio no?
xxBxx

Currently listening:Sketches of SpainBy Miles Davis
Release date: 23 September, 1997

the old drunken dog and bone....

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

After a night on the tiles t'uther evening i checked my phone in the morning..(as every ungover over woman does, but I'm not one for phoning ex boyfriends in a drunken rant - I'd rather nip round, or stand outside their bedroom window)
I'd managed to call my best mates boyfriends, the police station in Didsbury and a taxi comapny in Leeds.
I dont know what i was trying to achieve with all this. Answers on a postcard please.

Currently listening:Grease (Original 1978 Motion Picture Soundtrack)By Olivia Newton-JohnRelease date: 16 April, 1991