My parents tainted me when i was younger. My father, my Pa, me old man told me some tales when i was a wee one, and little ol' me couldn't quite differenciate between him winding me up and gospel..this got me into a few sticky situations when i were a kid.
1. 'My Dads Playing For United on Saturday'
One morning my dad gets a letter from Sheffield United's 'Blades Club'- I see the Blades emblem on the envelope.
- "Daddy what's that?"
- "It's from United they want me to play on Saturday"
Queue a 6 year old Victoria running around the playground on Friday dinnertime screaming "my dads gonna play at Bramall Lane tommorrow"
Queue a 6 year old Victoria getting thumped around the playground on Monday morning..
2. 'I Was Given This When I Was Shot In The Head'
The theme of the weeks show and tell in Year 1 was 'Silver' and my dad gives me a coin shaped medal to take in.
- "Daddy Where's It From?"
- '"ooo I was given this back in World War 2 when I was shot in the head"
Fast Forward a few weeks to Parents Evening:
Miss Woodcock - "Why Mr Brown I hope you don't mind me askin but how old are you?"
Me Dad: "32"
Miss Woodcock- "hmmm..."
3. 'Careful..they eat kiddies'
Pub gardens can be fun, often carefree enviroments to take children, armed with a bottle of Panda Coke and a packet of Quavers. But not for one 4 year old little girl who was happily dropping crisps on her 1 yr old brother..
-"Daddy what's that thing on the wall"
- "It's a daddy long legs Victoria, they eat children..."
Well as you may agree the last one was pretty fucking cruel
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